Late news this evening that Kate Gosselin was kicked off "Dancing With The Stars" was celebrated by throngs of Angry American TV viewers who wondered in unison as to how the hell this trainwreck survived this long.
GrimmReality has discovered that the deciding vote indeed came from HELL, and that vote came from the Birthday Boy Himself, none other than the former Fuhrer and Chancellor of the Greater German Reich, Adolf Hitler.
Earlier this evening I spoke to Hitler via satellite after he had returned from having a dozen Oranges shoved up his ass by Bing Crosby, who was still convinced that his contract with Minute Maid had not run out and was looking for a new angle to hawk the tasty product in the Nether Regions.
A short transcript from that interview…
GrimmReality: "So, welcome, Mein Fuhrer and may I extend to you a happy birthday…well not a happy one but you know what I mean."
Adolf Hitler: "Thank you, Grimm. I must say at the outset that I am not a big fan of yours, since you make too many jokes about me at bars and restaurants(I’m watching you with my CC TV all the time, Grimm),but only agreed to this interview because Joseph McCarthy was not available. Frankly, he smells a lot like whiskey and feet and and I know although you can’t smell that up there on Earth, the heat down here makes it intolerable with all the sweating."
GR: So please tell me; obviously you have been watching the show this season and you mustered up enough of your negative energy to see to it that she was bounced. How did you do it?"
AH: ";Have you SEEN HER WALTZ? Rubbish! Have you seen her Cha-Cha? Providence was being so cruel to humanity. Even in my quest to rid the planet of the Untermensch I had not seen such awful movement in a woman since Geli Raubal was running away from me when I shot her in Munich! all that "Herky-Jerky nonsense! She obviously is a communist as only those robotic movements of her gave her away that she had obviously come out of a time machine after being educated through the Komsomol!! You ever see those little Slavs sway with the Baskets of Flowers on May Day? She is a scourge upon Western Civilization and I had to make sure she never took ANY PRIZE!"
GR: " I take it that you were pulling for someone else?"
AH: " Pamela Anderson! She would be a great choice with her Aryan stock to win the trophy and bring me back from the abyss to repopulate the Earth with our vision"!
GR: "Uh , Sir? She is a Canadian"
AH: "SILENCE! HOW DARE YOU QUESTION MY JUDGEMENT?"
GR: ‘Well you know that whole sideshow in the Balkans and Greece totally screwed your invasion timetable for the Soviet Union even after Keitel told you that it would be a two months delay and that you may not reach the far interior before November. Plus what was up with that whole England thing? The running joke here all these years later is that you didn’t have the balls to…"
AH: "I SAID SILENCE, YOU FOOL" EITHER WE DISCUSS THAT MONSTER KATE GOSSELIN OR THIS INTERVIEW IS OVER"!!!!
GR: "Ok, Ok, Ok!! You got me on a roll…I digress. At any rate, what made you finally point your icy finger of destruction up to the world and get her booted"?
AH: I was watching every week and I couldn’t take it anymore. That Actor from "All My Children" had all the promise in the world. we could have used him. Yes he wasn’t German but thats beside the point. The Judges were being manipulated by these Stupid, Stupid Americans who know nothing about hard work and struggle." Then the other night as Idi Amin was rubbing my feet in the theater we began to watch ‘Frankenstein". Idi noticed that Boris Karloff was moving JUST LIKE HER!!! My head began to explode in pain like artillery shells being dropped on my Bunker. Even when he killed the old man and stumbled out of the Hamlet he looked exactly like what I have witnessed this whole season. It was Titanic and Horrid… KATE GOSSELIN HAD TO BE STOPPED. So I called ABC and they changed the votes and I had her extricated from the premises at once.!"
GR: " I find this all a bit unconvincing, I mean how could you just get on the phone and…."
AH: "SILENCE!!! I AM DER FUHRER AND I AND ONLY I DECIDE!!! THIS INTERVIEW IS OVER!! Come on Bing, Lets’ go watch "White Christmas again and have that fool Nixon make hand shadows between reels".
As Hitler got up and the link was cut off, I detected that Bing Crosby patted Hitler on the ass with his pipe and before the mic was cut off quipped …..
MMMM BA BA BA BOOOO!!!! and was holding a bag of oranges that appeared to have shit stains on them.
Frankly I think even though Kate Gosselin got the axe, I happened upon an even bigger shocker:
Bing Crosby and Adolf Hitler in romantic relationship!!!
GrimmReality 