I actually deleted this post by accident some months ago but found that I reposted it on Myspace so I wanted to repost this because of my current station in life.
This post was very important to me because I always thought this was some of my best writing. I was dealing with a lot of shit three years ago as many of you will remember and it was about the time I wrote this that life took some unfriendly turns.
This post was very important to me because I always thought this was some of my best writing. I was dealing with a lot of shit three years ago as many of you will remember and it was about the time I wrote this that life took some unfriendly turns.
THE DOLLAR BILL OF BROKEN
DREAMS
DREAMS
Category: Life
Long ago, when I was still young, I had a dollar bill that I
used to doodle on. I used to do a lot of doodling when I would sit at
the bars in Chicago, Amsterdam,or wherever I was. I’m not an artist in
any sense of the word, other than my suspect writing ability I really
dont have an artistic bone in my body.
I would doodle as I looked off into space, daydreaming about
things. Maybe write something on it to remind me of how I felt. I would
doodle if something caught my eye:
A pretty girl walking down the street….. the beauty that
passes by in an instant(by the time you wonder who they are they are
gone)
Perhaps a scene from
life that goes on outside our own sphere of influence, a scene that we
only can observe but never interact with.
Words that may help explain myself at some future time.
Ever the observant one, I once was.
These bills I used to keep as reminders of things that had
passed by my field of vision. I kept some of them in my wallet if I
thought one had particular significance. Maybe something that would
either come up to rear it’s ugly head in the future, or give me
reassurance that my path was true. I remember being in a particular good
mood one evening some years ago while I was watching Dr.
Strangelove: Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb.
During the last underground bunker scene Peter Sellers leaps from his
wheel chair and exclaims "Mein Fuhrer! I can walk!". That night I drew
those words over a one dollar bill. After doing so I was embarrased. I
actually tried passing the bill off at bars, upside down as a tip. That
damn bill would always make its way back to me. Every time I tried to
get rid of it the damn thing would find itself back in my hand. No one
wanted that damn thing, least of all me.
That one thankfully is long gone as I finally passed it off at
a bar that was having a Grand Opening, and I taped it to the wall next
to all the wishes of good luck.
One evening an even much longer time ago, during a time that I
was going through some major upheaval in my life I remember sitting
drowning my sorrows in some dive in Amsterdam. This was days long before
the Euro, and the standard form of currency in The Netherlands of
course was the Guilder. I had been carrying around some Yank money as
well as Guilders because of the exchange rate being so good at the time.
I was in Europe trying to forget everything that was going on in my
life. I was looking out the window of this place while everybody was
talking over fairly loud music, all in different languages. The music
playing at that moment of time was a song from Uriah Heep entitled Circle
of Hands. A lyric that jumped out at me from that song was "Today
is only Yesterday’s Tommorow". I remember that at the time it summed up
what I was feeling. I remember that what it really meant to me was that I
should never look too far off into the future. What’s past is past. To
try to focus on what is really important to me.
I wrote that lyric on a one dollar bill that I had because all
the available Dutch Money I had was in coins. They did not have a one
Guilder note in circulation. I put it in my wallet that night and over
the years would stumble acoss it on occasion. Strangely enough at times
when I felt uncertain about what the future would hold the bill would
reappear as if by design to remind me that there were great times for me
ahead as long as I didnt lose sight.
I always said to myself that that was the Dollar Bill from Days
of Broken Dreams coming back to give me a reality check. I havent seen
that Bill in a long time. As a matter of fact, I had actually forgotten
about it.
This morning I was
doing Laundry. I wasnt in a great mood. Quitting smoking stress of the
first day.
Somber,
maybe. Melancholy for some reason. Missing my friends, old and
especially new ones.
At the
same time I was going through some of my old stuff in some boxes I had
stored at Lumpy’s and had made several trips to Chicago to retrieve the
past few months. I was going through a box that I had no idea of what it
contained. Some books, pictures of some of my friends from days gone
by, and a small sleeve that I had for some reason kept. It was an old
boarding pass from KLM when I had returned to the US. I looked at it and
was about to pitch it when I decided to open the sleeve.
After many years, my reminder of that night in Amsterdam
fluttered through space and onto my floor. I could not believe it! I
picked it up and stood there for some time, looking at it. The words
looked back up at me.
Memories
of a time when things were different and I got through it.
The message is as clear to me now as it was then. I’m looking
forward to the future.
But
not too far forward.
used to doodle on. I used to do a lot of doodling when I would sit at
the bars in Chicago, Amsterdam,or wherever I was. I’m not an artist in
any sense of the word, other than my suspect writing ability I really
dont have an artistic bone in my body.
I would doodle as I looked off into space, daydreaming about
things. Maybe write something on it to remind me of how I felt. I would
doodle if something caught my eye:
A pretty girl walking down the street….. the beauty that
passes by in an instant(by the time you wonder who they are they are
gone)
Perhaps a scene from
life that goes on outside our own sphere of influence, a scene that we
only can observe but never interact with.
Words that may help explain myself at some future time.
Ever the observant one, I once was.
These bills I used to keep as reminders of things that had
passed by my field of vision. I kept some of them in my wallet if I
thought one had particular significance. Maybe something that would
either come up to rear it’s ugly head in the future, or give me
reassurance that my path was true. I remember being in a particular good
mood one evening some years ago while I was watching Dr.
Strangelove: Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb.
During the last underground bunker scene Peter Sellers leaps from his
wheel chair and exclaims "Mein Fuhrer! I can walk!". That night I drew
those words over a one dollar bill. After doing so I was embarrased. I
actually tried passing the bill off at bars, upside down as a tip. That
damn bill would always make its way back to me. Every time I tried to
get rid of it the damn thing would find itself back in my hand. No one
wanted that damn thing, least of all me.
That one thankfully is long gone as I finally passed it off at
a bar that was having a Grand Opening, and I taped it to the wall next
to all the wishes of good luck.
One evening an even much longer time ago, during a time that I
was going through some major upheaval in my life I remember sitting
drowning my sorrows in some dive in Amsterdam. This was days long before
the Euro, and the standard form of currency in The Netherlands of
course was the Guilder. I had been carrying around some Yank money as
well as Guilders because of the exchange rate being so good at the time.
I was in Europe trying to forget everything that was going on in my
life. I was looking out the window of this place while everybody was
talking over fairly loud music, all in different languages. The music
playing at that moment of time was a song from Uriah Heep entitled Circle
of Hands. A lyric that jumped out at me from that song was "Today
is only Yesterday’s Tommorow". I remember that at the time it summed up
what I was feeling. I remember that what it really meant to me was that I
should never look too far off into the future. What’s past is past. To
try to focus on what is really important to me.
I wrote that lyric on a one dollar bill that I had because all
the available Dutch Money I had was in coins. They did not have a one
Guilder note in circulation. I put it in my wallet that night and over
the years would stumble acoss it on occasion. Strangely enough at times
when I felt uncertain about what the future would hold the bill would
reappear as if by design to remind me that there were great times for me
ahead as long as I didnt lose sight.
I always said to myself that that was the Dollar Bill from Days
of Broken Dreams coming back to give me a reality check. I havent seen
that Bill in a long time. As a matter of fact, I had actually forgotten
about it.
This morning I was
doing Laundry. I wasnt in a great mood. Quitting smoking stress of the
first day.
Somber,
maybe. Melancholy for some reason. Missing my friends, old and
especially new ones.
At the
same time I was going through some of my old stuff in some boxes I had
stored at Lumpy’s and had made several trips to Chicago to retrieve the
past few months. I was going through a box that I had no idea of what it
contained. Some books, pictures of some of my friends from days gone
by, and a small sleeve that I had for some reason kept. It was an old
boarding pass from KLM when I had returned to the US. I looked at it and
was about to pitch it when I decided to open the sleeve.
After many years, my reminder of that night in Amsterdam
fluttered through space and onto my floor. I could not believe it! I
picked it up and stood there for some time, looking at it. The words
looked back up at me.
Memories
of a time when things were different and I got through it.
The message is as clear to me now as it was then. I’m looking
forward to the future.
But
not too far forward.
GrimmReality 